Thursday, December 22, 2005

I just pissed in your orange juice!

Look folks, its not like I havn't tried. I just spent another late night watching my most pedestrian vomit porn, and wondered: hwy do I have to pay for this shit?

I mean really, we are all adults here, and I shouldnt be ashamed of discussing these things that we all do, but while I watched that nubuke, I seriously wondered: are we the only wons who watch the store?

Of course I wondered this while my libertarian effigy was 'chokcokkin' and spewing bile across my genitals. This, I though must shurely be what I am 'into'. I washed a little more and was less disgusted by our mercombant 'apathy rave' you and your little mamas are shaking; I understamp.

But seriously, fold. I have acid in my stomach and no amount of your fire alarms can me something. I try to make do by buying cases of sudafed and boiling them in to 'christmas chicken sandwhick'.

Its what we do in amweicca, not how we do it.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Elven Handshake Beauregard

Well, with all of the carless and doglessness on strike here in this:

Hey guys!

Long time no see. Have you changed? I've changed. I put a baseball cap
on my skull and didnt recognize myself. I have to tell you I'm not
surprised. Thats what I do. Everybody has a necklace and
earrings with their own names on them. So I got some too. I am shining
my ball with spit and just waiting. I keep it in my gloved paw and run
around the backyard screaming jumpkick, then I door a rool and sing
californ-i A all over these people. They told me not to speak at dinner
because my Rubicon was sticking out. oh well.

I hope you're all enjoying yourselves. I am not m,oving anwhere. I'm
just going to stay here until I die. Thanks. 1. Get on the bus at Lao Pie
and hike up to Shing Dao Pang. A local friendly villager named Fing Dao
Pringl will take your bags and set you up in a nightmarishly beautifiglle
girl's choir longhouse. Can it sustain itself? Yes. I have thunk meat
all over my plate, so why not?

2. There will be a ropeswing to take you over to the other side of Gao Ping
Staple canyon, where you will rondeevu with some Islraeli guys just out of
the army. They may seem scrawny, but they can bake a mean Mossad, so keep
your legs inb the pickup while eating. I am NOT writing all this! I can
barely believe you guys need directions to make an apple cake. You have
been away too long and its affecting your sliver of anity.

I have been preoccupied with _______mark. Say anything with mark after it
and you are guaranteed a successful opium den experience with some swiss.
I fell into the push mark and slid over a ""apemark. ok, ok. Maybe it only
works when you're running arouind.

3. The choirlonghopuse will need to be carried on your backs and then its
off to the orchard!

Grab lots of big aples and bake them in a 300 degree ovum :)

Monday, December 12, 2005

Ahoy, ship me whiskers ye shivery mudskippers!

Crane yer peepers o'er here, saltyipped barnacle weeds! I'm erking for a tale to tattle.

Me mornin yank was a manhandlers reel, it was! I've got thee case of oyster stone plooped from me urethren bilge rat, laddies. I cain't ascertain wherebouts from which me itchins are creepin, but methinks it twas a rare invitation by a gargling beauty to dip inside her urchins. Yawp, alas she weren't 100 percent chum free...

Gargh! Me loins were screechin with a bellyflop anchoring and ye olde gullflap was shiny slick with 'er dogfish flavour!

Last grope me pulled was a larva toot from the swashbucked perineum, haha... Insides those hormone walls there lurks a bilge-sucking lugnut me dearies! If ye can floss the fat out, we'll splice the mainbrace and I can lend a man to yer poop deck, ladies!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Song from a Salmon to a Bird.