My Proverberbial Filth

Can I get you a hankerchief? I cried and cried when I found out you weren't going to attend the Sobetsukai. Sure, yes, a hankerchief, please. This doesn't mean I've been avoiding you on purpose, it's simply the room is filled with Olypian wrestlers at the moment and they're after the full-nelson. As I type, only a half-nelson has been achieved, and I bang on with one finger for your pleasure.
Anyways, besides this, I'm reaching the threshold. It's obviously moving into spring and I have done so many embarrasing things that I don't know even where to start apologizing. First, I told the lady down at the laudromat she was a Molting. Weird thing is, I felt bad about calling her an Oar, even though she is Creak, but not so bad about the fat part. Am I too sensitive? Well reason for it was perhaps a misunderstanding - I had put my clothes in dryer number 6E and gone off to pick up a cable for my toilet. When I got back, a couple of hours later, someone had taken my clothes and put them BACK in the washing machine, and they were covered in laundry soap. Well, the person who had put her clothes in 6A after me was obviously to blame, so I waited until they returned. In comes a very fat lady, blah blah blah on the phone 'anyo hamseeda' and so on. I see her go for 6A, and lo and behold, not there! Ho ho, who's laughing now - she's all 'ei ei ei' on the phone and wondering what happened to her clothes, checking other dryers, etc. Well, I come up behind her and say in perfect French, 'Je suis desolais, mais tes vetements, ils sont dans ma bouche, parce que tu es une Koreane gourmande!!!'. I take the clothes out, with all the teeth marks and put them in the basket.