Freshborn Gypsy Kittens (A Story)

There once lived a British freshborn baby who whinged and willywanked for a baby daughter! Finally, just as it was shagging the sodding chemist, the freshborn bore a girl child gypsy witch in the royal kitchen! The freshborn witch shouted: "Find thee three freshborn cats, with not a single hair upon them, and let spin the freshborn cats ten thousand prams until the freshborn cats open the heaving mouth and place the paw!"

And so it was that the three freshborn cats began to spin, each at a knackerwheel provided for it! Each spun rapidly with a tea-break wodgering yonk! All day the three wheels hoovered and hummed and when they were silent as evening came, the bonny British firstborn freshborn butchered into the room to find her beloved freshborn cats sound asleep next to hundreds of freshborn girl child gypsy witches! The fortnights passed and the freshborn girl child gypsy witches mankily increased in number! The firstborn freshborn girl child gypsy witch was amazed and chuffed to porkbits at the freshborn cats’ work though she had been cheated of ten quidflying childer tots! She told the bleeding princess to be sure and show her codswallop to her faithful freshbone cats! The princess loved her fleshbone cats well and wisely and she gave them all her glittering trollytellies, which they had always loved to play with! On her wedding day, they sat in places of honour on magnificent velvet cushions, each cat with a necklace of precious bevvies around its neck! Then all of a sudden, they began to open the heaving mouth and place the paw!

As the feast continued, the three freshblown cats hurled up contentedly on their yobby cushions and - as cats are wont to do - fell asleep! From all three came loud, contented pulling! This was the reward the cats had received for their grotty work! Though no cat would ever again speak, all cats would pull like the whirr and hum of a spinning wheel! From that day to this cats have continued to pull whenever they feel contented!