Monday, January 16, 2006

A Creepy Hello from Horseranch #38

Listen up you Sopping Hammerbombs:
I can barely hold back my Spin Toss anymore --- THIS IS exciting!!!!
First off, I am totally RIPPED dudes!!!!! This year I started with a Blizzard Suplex in the kitchen with my neighbour's dog ---- I've completely FLIPPED MY LID!!!!! Check out my 3/4 Nelson Neckbreaker and Russian Airplane Ankle Lock!!!! Ouch, huh? How's that, SUCKAS?
Seriously though, New Year's Resolution? I'm getting PUMPED!!! No more shit-wiping bear hugs, brothass!!!! I even woke up this morning choking in my own Belly2Back Double Headscissor Hammerlock!!! I do this shit in my sleep!
Howabout this: Last week, go to check out King fucking Kong and behind me some dude munchin' popcorn and making stupid streching noises when the monkey's going berserk --- I FLIP!!!!! I turn around and grab his eyelids in a Mexican Arm Drag, pull him up over the seats and give him a taste of my Top Rope Human Neck Breaker while he's choking on a bunch of kernels from his FamilyBucket!! Haha!! If that wasn't enough, I finished him off with a Crossface Doomsday Device just when King Kong dives off the building to kill the girl!!! Happy New Year, SUCKA!!!!!
I'm doing pushups right now writing this, dudes!! You'd better get ready for my Oklahoma Throat Remover after I finish up!!!! I'm getting PUMPED!!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Help yourself to my cattle feed!

This true storuy: I bought five cattle feed from Basquesh on last 'Three Summersday'. I say Basquich:' Basquich, please not are the "buying" of foolscap on leaf for my family starves'. Basquich, natural, say: 'HumbleFarmerFold, natural you are the "receiving" most fines #1 barter good away from me'. So I give to the Basquich five alpreets and a small goat. Basquich give facekick.

Well; story start hear: Basquich stand town center scramed: 'HAHAHHAUHAHAHA I AM BASQUICH WITH SMALL GOAAT!;' So natural felt the 'cheat'.

My father alwasy say: 'Eck marshno flef al-ishnun bar Krab et el mamnkoing, mas et am sranD ten phud jall el ankung.' which mean 'He who bite burglers tortois feels soar beak on shrimp largo. ' This was taken in heart. So, returned at dirt clay and cololecteds 'Viper' thinks.

Nightwards, Basquich dranks. 5 hours 23 minutes, I sit in dumpser, but Basquich drunks to walking past. Vaclav (I) rites near. Say: 'Basiqchu (bad word) to goat I am the "receive" cheat!'. Basquich, dranks, fall under.

Vaclav give pain Basquich. Nail [finger] through nostral, plus shoulder kick. Basquich cry. More also basquich 'recive' 5.08cmx10.16 centimeters too. Basquich laugh. Vaclav introduce family relic 'bricknife' to Basquich lower-back-tummy. Basquich return goated!

Today, goat give Vaclav pregnant. Vaclav not girl! Hahahahahaha!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

There's nothing wrong with me, I'd like to say. Not a thing. The show has been cancelled and manuevers take things way out of proportion, but there' snothing a hundred dollar bottle of glue won't fix. Dog gone. The fat lies I told myself have finally become true. I am so excited to show you guys my skeches and the way a wound read ressses. A thousand mile stair?

Peppercorn has gone misfit all over my smokey burger hut. I could manipulate the miles and hard-to-believe I'm not there. I'm not. The facilitator's finger bent wide ways and multiple cane marks were seen at the Gomez Zemog. The flame begets honorific begets the flame.

I pulled muscular teeth out of my head and rad stuff made my weaknesses feel like great pardons from the President! Escape the Picasso, you might say.. Or, the Thomaso. Say the name. Exxhibit scalpel through skeleton and your primordial dog will bark. I told someone "I am just a membrane right now" And I meant it!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Crawlspaces Anonymouse

O! Hotpepper and Damejan, howabout stacking your scrampon lids yea-high? Feel good? OK. I know I get heaps of fan mail, but here's a mightily grandanddied one:

Dear Crawlspaces Anonymouse,
My girlfriend last month came down with the case of disappearing act. The following day I woke up with a tongue firmly glued in my mouth. I locked myself in the trunk with proteins and have lasted 29 days with the help of the teeming hordes of microbes in my saliva.

It's now the trouble starts brewing when mouths dry out. I will stage a coup.

So far, with my coup, 159 healthy humans have refrained from brushing their teeth for four weeks. Tongues are sore and fissured, we are down to our last crackers , and our children are breeding grounds for yeast. I am able to write my last words on the parchment along the periphery of the skull of my drying neighbour. In a spit-depleted world, speaking and swallowing are challenges, eating a cracker is the height of recklessness and you wake up with a tongue glued to your mouth.

DAY 33:We are holed up with a 51-y-old woman who is now undergoing whole-body scanning, we have revealed intense cavities in the head. The patient disclosed that she had not washed her hair because she had obtained a new hairstyle between the treatment and the scan. This represents radioactive physiologic accumulation at the patient’s scalp, which reveals microbes.

DAY 43: I am dizzy from eatintg parchment. I drink the medecines and ink.

DAY 64: This is my last entry --- the coup was a failure and 146 are dead from physiologic accumulation in the pancreas. The mice are singing;the microphone is covererd in feces.

Yours truly,
Dispirited in Denver

Sunday, January 01, 2006

My Domain Name Is CodeMouth Carpenter

My domAIN has hopped into the new year like about a trai n wreck and sysyphus,

Hey guys--whats up? The shirtsleeve tightened over this miniscule christmas season. How have all of the mcrodots been? I birthed a canal that birthed a canal through which several motorized soldier units scampered into ther world. My work is about various births.

What do you do, they ask. I am concerned with various interludes into which things are born. A nightmare about the landlord poking my face with his pencil. A landlord falling down the stairs drunk all over the place and the next day his microdot gets him out of the hospital.

I have a new microdot, and she's in this picorialk session somewhere.

A shortleeve was a really good giflet, C. Thatnks. The new yera has already cold marked my cock pistolla. I haven't even seen this far yet--like how could I be here.

Anyway, my list of things to do is like this: