Let me teach you of owl.

Its a problem, I admit. It started as a simple hobby, but quickly became an obsession. I tried hard to disavow subnunctual references, but now I am hopeless. Strapped I am, to a leather bear chair of my own unmoral fecundity. Its not that I am a bad person, I just find myself in situations beyond my control. I feel that I am sometimes trapped in situations where i MUST add value to an unecessary product.



I have an obsession, an issue, that I must discuss. It can be devastating and disturbing. It wrecks innocent nests and people alike. It is not me, though, and I cannot help my poor decision making thanks to mother K. It grips and sears, I spend hours thinking "why am I just sitting in this chair doing nothing when I could be sitting in this chair incapable of anything?"



But that is not my problem. That might be the solution. Neither is my own proclivity for stealing tiny dogs from the purses of modern urban elderly ladies.



My problem is more difficult, more than my tendency to scream 'weasel!' in the local authentic Malaysian Karaoke bar. Deeper even than my love for voyeuristic tapes of midgets having illicit relations with the last existing automat machines at the preservation societies 'useless American shit' graveyard. Deeper than my love of text messaging.



My problem, unfortunately is undefinable: it starts from my morning sickness caused by my late nights screaming at Edsel. My afternoons are worse. In the evening, I usually retire to the yert for an extended session of Qluetixoxaxoctl.



Its more than that though. I have tried; God have I tried to break the pattern, the system. But you know, that the system is, in fact, a joke. I have dreads now. They express my individuality. Also I take hormones to lactate so I can breastfeed the neighborhood dogs.



Occasionally I take a shit in my living room, just to teach a lesson to the carpet. Motherfucker, that shit pisses me off. So does my new invention: AidsAgotchi! . AidsAgotchi! is a virtual pet that you buy as a crack baby and have to raise it and watch it defy expectations as it remains alert and witty through even the most boring school lectures while the fetal alcohol syndrome kids ride their BigWheels in the wall so they can catch the wrong angle and smash their balls in on the drinking fountain spigot and feel a real emotion once in their clouded, inebrieated lives. AidsAgotchi! has 20 levels of entertainment until the final boss, which has nothing to do with your virtual pets life and everything to do with a secret stabbing needle that gives you AIDS.



I expect it to be very popular in Eurasia. Thats something that pisses me off.


But its probably not my problem. I think thats something to take up with the electrical engineers union.