Allow me to introduce you to my fellow Hamhocks!:

While it is a well known fact that drunk asparia are the most likely to cause tears in the intestinal area during 'Shaloqua' births, the most fundamental facts are overlooken:

• The pig are not in the scape.


• Thee wife are not on the house.


• Mittens.

It is this file point that makes it scarf everworthly: If mittens are themselves some cosmological sentient being, then how is it that we are all standing? Why, if the 'mitten' do have this power, do they not char and destroy the molesting hands of we humans? It must be more snuff-n-loc, surely, but sad that these discussions persist into the early 21st century.

I would also like to take this opportunity to reply to the rash of steam-burnings perpetrated on me by local children wearing said mittens. Often, I hear a knock at the door, and answer it, only to be greeted by a gang of pint-sized hoodlems who quickly overpower me and hold my face over a traveling bunsen burner and a small pot of water for a most uncofortable time, but my lungs have never felt so fresh!